So here's the skinny. I have been on vacation for the whole of the damn summer with sketchy internet connection AT BEST. Not the most fun for me, who, admittedly, goes through withdrawals if I am not able to get on-line. It's a sickness, I know. And no, I am not seeking help. I rather like my obsession, thank you very much.
So that is why, dear followers/friends, that you have not heard from me in such a long time.....do you forgive me? Oh, of course you do. Who are we kidding.....!
I am currently not enjoying a bout of insomnia and so you have become my exercise to tire my mind out. Let us hope it works.
So. My summer. Well, you are well caught up on Australia. I am sure you might scream if you hear another word about Australia, right. No? Well, it doesn't matter because I have exhausted that trip, lol. We are on to California. That's right, I returned to my old stomping grounds, Bakersfield, California! Where all my family lives . . . and is involved in EVERY aspect of one anothers lives, ha! That is what comes from having such a close family....and full of girls. It can't be helped. We are busy bodies to be sure. But honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.....
We stayed with my parents, as we always do (they spoil us IMMENSELY!) and as they had just moved to a new house (HUGE!), we were even more excited to be staying there. Think, 5 acres . . . think, outdoor riding toys like quads and rangers . . . think, a track out back with jumps . . . you see where the excitement stems from? That's right, good old fashion FUN! Our first day there, barely after we put our bags in our rooms, the boys and I were out with my nephew, Ryan (he is 17 yrs old and all that THAT implies...) riding like crazy people, whooping and hollering, and choking on dust. It was fan-bloody-tastic! Pretty much set the stage for our outdoor activities for the rest of our trip, lol.
But, as these things do, there is always a glitch somewhere, right? Right. Well, remember what I said about being in each others business....yea, well, the cons of THAT blew up about mid-way through our vacation. My older sister and I (no, not my oldest sister, the other one) had a ROW of epic proportions in my parents kitchen. She fair to flew at me in her anger. Though she didn't. She looked more like a flapping chicken, truth be told. However, she sure threw around the mother of all curse words, which, I cannot be a hypocrite here, didn't bother me all that much as I can sure fling those 'round when they are needed. And let's be honest, when they aren't! No. What bothered me was that my oldest son was sitting on the couch in perfect listening position. I am not saying that his hearing such foul language bothered me, though it should have, but again, let's be honest, he's heard it before...no, what bothered me was that he heard it said so violently, angrily and loudly shouted AT his Mom (moi). After she stormed away (man, we are dramatic people!), he pops his head up and says, "Man, what is wrong with HER!? She sure lost it!!" It's bad isn't it? Yea, I laughed. I know. It's bad. I couldn't help it though.....
Well, the kerfuffle drew in Daddy and my brother in law, Gregorio. Before you knew it there was shouting going on all around with brother Gregorio saying, "Barb's going to be calling you...!", as he rounded up his kids to head home. Barb is, of course, my oldest sister, and second mother to us all. She is also my partner in crime for passing along juicy tidbits of information, ie; gossiping! She and I have had a HOOT this summer, let me tell you. But to that the credit must go to Alicia, who gave us so much material! Damn, I'm bad.....sorry (kinda).
Suffice to say, the dialogue from then on out between Alicia and I was somewhat, um, strained, lol. But you know what? I don't regret a thing I said. Have you ever had that? Where there is just something you feel you need to say and you sit on it, stew on it, push it to the back of your mind. Then it is one thing, one comment, one look, and it all comes forward like water from a damn that has burst. Anyone ever have that? Well, that is what I had. THAT moment. And everything I had been holding in for the past 6+ months came spewing out of my mouth in a great rush....and damn me if I don't feel so much better for it. Am I mean? Am I wrong? I don't know, maybe, but I think we all get to a certain age where pussyfooting around the problems, people, and situations in our lives just gets tiring. And old. And ridiculous. That's what I think anyway......
I am now stepping off my high horse . . .
Our trip wasn't all drama and utopia, though. My Papa passed away while I was there. I have to tell ya'll, I didn't make it a priority to visit my Noni and Papa last year when I was home. I was too immersed in my own drama, being totally selfish. I promised myself that this time around I would see them...I would make a point to take the boys and get over to see them. And I did. Our first week there. We went over in the afternoon and my Papa met us at the door. He looked wonderful. More frail than I have ever seen him, but still wonderful. The boys and I enjoyed a wonderful visit with them. When we left I promised my Noni that we would come by again before we left. The next time I saw both of them it was to say good-bye to my Papa as he lay dying in his hospital bed, never having woken up from surgery. I left my boys in the ICU waiting room with other family members and I went in to say good-bye to my Papa who had smiling Irish eyes. I stayed. Two of my sisters stayed. Amy just made it, which I was so grateful for. My Papa passed away surrounded by love. My Noni watched her husband of 61yrs leave her, surrounded by love. That is not how I would have chosen to have my second visit, but you know what, I am eternally grateful that I have the first visit to remember, that my boys have that visit to hold in their hearts.
I have to tell you all, though, I didn't have the boys come in to the room, thinking that they wouldn't want to see Papa that way. After he passed away and I went out to tell them and gather them up to go, John says to me, "Why didn't we get to say good-bye to other-Papa?" (They call him other-Papa because my Daddy is Papa)I looked down at him, slightly astonished, and said, "Well, I didn't think you would want to go in there. Do you want to go in and say good-bye?" He looked at me and said, "Yes, I want to say good-bye to other-Papa. He was my other-Papa, after all." I asked Matt and he declined, which I understood perfectly. I went to my Noni who was standing with my Aunts and Uncles and I asked her if John could go in and say good-bye. You should have seen her face. I know it mirrored mine. Perfectly astonished. She asked if I was sure. So I asked John again and again he says, "I want to say good-bye." Noni takes John and I back in to ICU to Papa's room and she walks John over to one side of the bed and I take up position on the other. She tells him to go ahead and talk to him, that Papa can still hear him, and that it was alright to hold his hand, just not to be surprised at how cold it was. I stood there, across from my 9yr son, and watched as he put his tiny hand in his other-Papa's lifeless one. I listened as he said in this soft voice, "Hi, other-Papa. It's John. I love you." He squeezed his hand and whispered, "Good-bye." Then he looks over at me, smiles a tiny smile, and starts out of the room. I stood there and knew I had just watched an angel at work. I cry as I type this, remembering that moment. What he did, what he chose to do, meant so much to my Noni, I don't know if I can properly express it. All I do know and all I can say is, I will remember that moment for the rest of my life. It resides in my heart as one of my most precious memories.
Life is precious, isn't it!
